Small Patch Of Sky

Small Patch Of Sky

One by one, we all fall down like dominoes to the serenade of clowns 

To routine’s domestic well... become vestiges of ourselves 

Rigid whispers hold the vague essence of lonely patterns

Psychotic laughing, pierces dusk’s void... I am a woman, I’m no toy 

I am not to put upon a shelf or to hide in your closet’s stealth 

I‘m not cream in your coffee...  not just a stagnant destiny 

I am me, I am free... I stand rooted like foreboding tree

I am not here to crisis manage all your indiscretions 

Your absent-mindedness... apathetic, chaotic damage 

Not made to adorn your arm... to make you feel better about yourself. 

I’m not, even in humour, your metaphoric ball and chain 

I am not your comforter… to soothe your tempestuous rage 

Nor am I twilight’s shadow cloak, to hide your self-destruction mode 

I am me, was all along... it isn’t me who has forgotten

You do not define me... you don’t get to choose what’s on my mind

I’m not yours to shout at, scorn and warn… I will not heed your commands 

Different plane, undiscovered land... maps, compass will only get you lost 

Tonight’s murky lonely, blots my skin... love now a mere bitter frost

On debris’s garden bonfire... flames struggle to eviscerate 

I am me and now I see... through kaleidoscope’s hijacked screen

I now see your true light, not the one projected… which gave you might 

All along… love I thought I saw; came from me; it was not yours

Sacrifices were all mine... you made me feel unworthy of your time

Yet wanted me waiting... pristine and pretty at the finish line

Whilst staccato cooking… washing pegged in military painted smiles  

I am me, no longer fooled... marionette’s dance is so cruel 

 

Now my turn on centre stage…  you can wait, if you wish, in wings

Although spotlight feels scary… I’ll not be denied destiny

I’ve been silent for far too long... now I’ll sing my truth... soul’s song 

My form‘s not sleek, battle grazed, but like Lazarus… I return

Yes I’m broken… I am weak, but in me find the words you seek 

I am me, I am poet… I’m mother’s, wife’s, daughter’s sonnet

 

You see, from me words flow… like an avalanche of powder snow 

I have been told I am Sage... yet I know naught, have felt deranged

For solace, to me others come… but I’m more... I’m skin and bone.

I am alive and I have lived... now ‘me’ I finally own

Estranged… severed; from cut-out paper-chain men ... I cut free myself  

I am me, I am alone... helping others has been my call 

Is it too much, to want to feel more than mediocracy? 

Loved, truly adored, for not what can give… but for who I am 

Taboo! Please… what am I to you? Am I precious … your soul mate? 

Do you savour still my taste.. does true love, I speak of, exist?

Like moon and night, to love... to be loved, peacefully coexist?

I am me, I am sad... for the time squandered, the love we had 

I feel such pain… not just mine, but from our world now gone insane

I want to be happy… to feel safe, begin again anew! 

I don't want to be rescued; I want to be discovered… found 

To live simply, to breathe joy, poetry, music, nature… life 

To bask in moonlight… transcend like water to be moved and fly

I am me, I am light; I’m sensually passionate... I have fight

Yearn to have mind stretched, feel thankful… I need love… and to feel free

Wish to be seen as home, mystery and sensuality 

As I rake the lawn-littered leaves… tidy up my scattered mind 

Pray confidante moon... manifests my confessions within her tides 

Gather… bid starless sky adieu… wistfully blow kiss to moon 

My oasis from the chaos... half an hour gone too soon 

So I return inside… to what I’ve become, what life demands 

Reluctantly reduced... amber glow of ethereal hue 

Love my children, as moon doth stars... but do they know who I am?

Want again to illuminate love... rain possibilities  

Flow free… like waves imbrue inspiration... creativity 

I am a walking sky patchwork; I am mother, woman... me

Am I, on star cycle alone… or will in other… find a home? 

More than this slate-tinged, beige… small patch of sky

Where in clandestinity… I marvel at the moon maiden’s divinity   

Wanting to be more than I am… a better person; someone whole

Freed from anxiety, manmade constructs… be my own Calliope   

Night now shrouds my lego house; where beneath… I still… dream alone 

 © Debbie Razey 2022 - Violet Moon Poetry