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Tuesday, 12 August 2014

I remember all too well...

I remember the stainless steel food ladle ripping and bruising my skin
The foul profane names you called me that still ring in my ears
The way I was spat at, kicked and beaten within an inch of my life 
The times I skipped gym so that my secret would stay hidden 
The way I cried myself to sleep and prayed for it to end

I forgot I had the right to be loved
I should have been comforted when sick
I should have been hugged and kissed
I should have been made to feel special
I should have felt safe

I remember feeling worthless, scared and ashamed
Feeling sick with anxiety at the sound of your voice
Wanting to escape to some imaginary fairy-tale place
Preferring to be anywhere but home 
Wishing you or I would die 

I forgot what I wished to become
I had the choice whether to stay or run 
I had the power to stop it and tell someone
I was not so detestable
I had done nothing wrong

I remember feeling hungry, cold and scared when left frequently alone
Being bullied at school for being unkempt and wearing ill fitting clothes
The smell of stale smoke, broken glass and unkind numerous uncles
The humiliation of wetting the bed when the nightmares continued 
I remember it all to well.... 

© Debbie Razey 2014